Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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