My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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