Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
