she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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