just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
