you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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