Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
