He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
