And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
