2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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