I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
