Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's the barista slut.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
