You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
