I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
