Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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