why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
