we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
