My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he puts the penis in happiness.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
