True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
