i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
