His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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