Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
