I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
