i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
