If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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