that's an acceptable place to lick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
