Umm I'm too high to move.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
