Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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