we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
