Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
