The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
