he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
