so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize