Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
