weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
two words: eviction party
birth control should be required to get into college
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
