Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
