Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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