I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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