Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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