I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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