Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
