I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
