Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
