he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
