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great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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