I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.