yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion