He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
