Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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