You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
