I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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