Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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