hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
