All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
