he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
