no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
