so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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