I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
