I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
