So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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