Your dad touched me again.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
