I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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