he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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