ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize