You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
