i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
