he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When are your genitals available?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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