just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
