i barfeds in our rink
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
