if i can run in heels then i can drive
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
where does the pee come out of this thing
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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